|© Stuckfast Productions|
Noir is a buxom blonde sporting a black dress and black pumps with fairly thick heels who wanders into an empty apartment hoping to rent it. She soon inexplicably gets her heels stuck to the carpet. After eventually breaking free, she enters the kitchen and gets stuck again, this time in a small puddle of what appears to be melted gummies. She struggles unsuccessfully for a few more minutes before falling out of her heels and getting her pantyhosed feet stuck, which she struggles with until the end.
The good: Noir is very beautiful (although she has a bit too much of a bleached-blonde porn star look for my particular taste), and if you're a boob guy (or gal), you're going to be really happy with Stuckfast's choice of her as a model. Stuckfast is also a talented cinematographer, and uses a lot of creative camera angles that highlight her..."assets" as well as her stuck feet. Her heavy shoes make a satisfying "clomp" as they are pulled back down into the glue again and again, which adds a nice touch of realism. I'm also a fan of stuck pantyhose...partly because I love pantyhose on women in general, but also because their texture allows them to get more stuck in gummies than bare skin does. To top it all off, Stuckfast includes about 2 minutes of behind the scenes footage as Noir struggles to get a pantyhosed foot out of the puddle and then slowly takes the hose off while she talks a bit with the cameraman (presumably Stuckfast).
The bad: The heels-stuck-to-carpet scene that comprised the first third of the movie was clearly fake and just didn't work for me at all. The real struggle appears to be Noir trying to figure out how to act stuck in a substance that isn't really there. At one point right before she escapes, she says, "Maybe if I just try really hard to pull them up" as if the thought just occurred to her. Personally, that would have been the first thing I tried! Her struggling gets much better after she has a real substance to interact with, but the shoes-in-gummi scene still left a bit to be desired in terms of believability. The sticky puddle was also fairly small and thin compared to what you might see in a Jamie Daniels or Sticky Barbi clip. I really enjoyed the behind-the-scenes bit at the end and wished there had been more to it -- it picks up after Noir had already freed one of her feet.
"Noir Gets Stuck" isn't Stuckfast's best work, and if you don't like shoes or pantyhosed feet in glue, you'll want to look elsewhere. Although hampered by a dismal first act, the movie is salvaged by the high quality of the remaining 8 minutes, making this a solid outing from a stuck movie legend, and I'm glad he decided to return to the game, even temporarily.
Grade: B- (an average of D for the carpet scene, and B+ for the rest)